Thursday, March 31, 2005

Maybe it's me

I was recently called out by my two friends for last week's rant (You Don't Want No Problems) that was only partially directed at them. I suppose I should apologize for airing dirty laundry on the net, so here we go: My bad. That's as good as you're gonna get. It's not like I named names, geez! I do have to admit, though, that that conversation probably wouldn't have started had I not let my emotions get the better of me and used an expletive. They made good points about a certain African-American female host who shall remain nameless (rhymes with Okra), but honestly, I still don't care for her, her show, or that blowhard hack doctor that she unleashed upon the world...let's call him Dr. "Bill". I will strive not to let my emotions get the better of me.

On to other topics, I recently sent around one of those forms where your friends are asked information about you. The question that shocked me the most is, "Am I shy or outgoing?" One friend said, "Shy around females, outgoing around men". Most friends said, "A mixture of both". One newer friend said "Shy". Like so many Geminis in this world, I am tragically misunderstood. I am NOT shy. I am guarded. I study people at first, find out where their comfort levels are, how far I can take jokes, do they curse, etc. Maybe I'm wrong, but I try to be cognizant and mindful of people's comfort zones. Also, I'm not very trusting. I have to see where you are, if you have a shred of decency, if you are worthy of the attention of M.Sea the Great (half joking, here, people). When it comes to girls, that's not being shy, that's just plain ol' fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, and nervousness. I am more than capable of conversation with the opposite sex, as long as there's either no attraction or I don't think I have a chance. Without these variables in place, even a great wordsmith like myself can stumble. I know what you're thinking, "Not M.Sea the Great! Why, his mastery of the English language is impeccable, unparalleled, pragmatic, even (said in a Snagglepuss voice...if you don't know, watch Cartoon Network or Boomerang). Hey, everybody has their Achilles heel, and mine has been fear. I let fear keep me from standing up to bullies when I was younger, from interacting with more girls at a younger age, and I think it stunted my radio career somewhat, too. That's what it is. I have to beat it, because fear and God cannot occupy the same space. I've even come to question the Christian leanings of my youth because of my struggles with fear. I pray that I can overcome this as it has lead to a lot of discomfort. It also leads to me being misunderstood. Some think I'm shy, some think I'm crazy. I'm not shy at all, maybe quiet sometimes. I'm not the type to run my mouth on a subject that I don't know about, or at a time when someone else has the floor. People misunderstand this and attach that dreaded SHY label. People just don't really know me. I am quiet when someone else has their moment or when I am thinking or focused. When the spotlight is on me, I work the crowd. Unlike some people on the stage of life, I am not always "on". But dead that shy talk, son. I choose my spots. In the game of conversation, I choose to let the game come to me. Sometimes I feel as though God is the only one who really gets me. Perhaps he's the only one who needs to. Be easy.

P.S. Yet another zing in my ongoing blog war with Dr. Augustus Q. Fro (blacksupervillain.blogspot.com). Dr, huh? That fool has a mail-order degree. He's a doctor of bougie studies with concentrations in Burberry styling and ascot folding. He's an atrocious aristocrat. And, I have pictures of him and Dora the Explorer in a "compromising situation".

2 Comments:

At 6:38 PM, Blogger henchman#2 said...

HETHEN!!!

Now I'm going to have pull out the death ray (Makes buzzing noise)

 
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